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Somebody Else's Penis

from Songs From Radio EUGH - Vol. 2 by Troubadette

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lyrics

On my wedding day, I promised I would have and hold
One man and his appendages til I was dead and cold
Well, that plan lasted 'bout ten months, and then he upped and left
It sounds so simple, but it wasn't, and I was bereft

Fast-forward an acceptable, but short amount of time
And I found myself chatting with a lovely man online
We went on a few dates, he was patient, he was kind
And so I let him take me home with one thing on my mind

And all of a sudden, there it was

Somebody else's penis
A penis I'd never seen before
Somebody else's penis
And as it gets hard, it gets hard to ignore
That this isn't the penis I married
Not that I married a penis
I married a man with a penis attached
Not that all men have penises
It's clear that a penis does not make a man
But this one was firmly attached to a man
But it isn't the man that I married
And it certainly isn't his penis

I feel I ought to clarify that things are really over
With the man I married - that's to say, I'm not a rover
But up until that moment, I'd been more or less resigned
To the fact I'd only ever see his penis 'til I died

But when it comes down to it, I'm not called to be a nun
Sex isn't just for procreation, it's a lot of fun
So hey, why not get busy? What have I got to lose?
I'm free to get my nipples out for anyone I choose

And after some foreplay, there it was

Somebody else's penis
A penis I'd never seen before
Somebody else's penis
And as it gets hard, it gets hard to ignore
That this isn't the penis I married
Not that I married a penis
Nor did I marry a man for his penis
If I wanted a penis, I'd go out and buy one
It's clear that a penis does not make a man
But this one was firmly attached to a man
But it isn't the man that I married
And it certainly isn't his penis

Now that I'm no longer attached to the man
Who's attached to the penis I married
I can attach myself to any penis
In a no-strings-attached kind of way

So there I was, eagerly looking at

Somebody else's penis
A penis I'd never seen before
Somebody else's penis
And as it gets hard, it gets hard to ignore
That this isn't the penis I married
No, I did not marry a penis
Though he did turn out to be a bit of a dick
That has nothing to do with his physical dick
And the penis in front of me is very nice
I've got nothing but nice things to say about it
But it isn't the penis I married
And it's certainly not attached to that man
Which, at this point, is a major relief
I'm so glad to be touching
Somebody else's penis

credits

from Songs From Radio EUGH - Vol. 2, released March 12, 2022

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Troubadette New Zealand

In the 12th century, troubadours sang songs of chivalry to noble families. In the 21st century, Troubadette sings songs of bikini waxing, dismemberment, and some guy's dick to anyone who'll listen. Channeling the energy of a kindergarten teacher and the wisdom of your favourite wine aunty, Troubadette has been making musical mayhem across Aotearoa for over 20 years. ... more

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