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1. |
Cats Will Eat My Face
02:02
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When I die cats will eat my face
When I die cats will eat my face
I’ve got nobody who’ll call
And leave a message on my phone
I am done with other people
So I’m gonna die alone
When I die cats will eat my face
When I die cats will eat my face
When I die cats will eat my face
Yeah, when I’m no longer breathing
All my felines won’t get fed
So they may as well chomp on my corpse
And eat me cos I’m dead
When I die cats will eat my face
You know cats are always there
When you’ve cooked up something good to eat
So I’m pretty sure they’d look at a dead body and think
“Awesome, it’s free meat”
When I die cats will eat my face
When I die cats will eat my face
Well I’ve been in love before
And I have seen what it can do
So I’d rather be devoured
If it’s all the same to you I you
When I die cats will eat my face
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2. |
My Darling Ben
03:01
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We were standing on the playground holding hands
Eight years old and unaware of all our future plans
You gave me a little box shaped just like a heart
Full of Air New Zealand sweets, and I thought it was art
We kissed under the swing, and then I gave you twenty cents
At the end of the school year, you moved away
Oh, my darling Ben
We were so young and full of life back then
I'm not quite sure how and I'm not quite sure when
But I always thought that I'd see you again
My darling Ben
Years and years after you went away
I got a shock when I opened the newspaper one day
I recognised your name and face, but to my surprise
The paper said you'd killed a woman with two other guys
Chopped her into pieces, put those pieces in a bag
in your car, then drove the body to New Plymouth
Oh, my darling Ben
We were so young and full of life back then
I'm not quite sure how and I'm not quite sure when
But I always thought that I'd see you again
My darling Ben
This isn't how I thought things would turn out when we were eight
Who knows where you'll end up when tossed about by winds of fate
I'm sad to hear that your life hasn't turned out all that great
Oh, but mostly, I'm just glad you didn't kill me
Oh, my darling Ben
We were so young and full of life back then
I'm not quite sure how and I'm not quite sure when
But I'm kind of glad I won't see you again
My darling Ben
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3. |
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It's been at least a year but I still take the long way when I go downtown
I tell myself I like the chance to spread my legs a little, but I'm lying
So far I've gotten lucky and avoided conversation
But this isn't a city where you get to disappear
And it won't be a big deal when I run into you, I've got it figured out
Let's pretend we're strangers
I won't spot you in a crowd
That you wouldn't recognise my laugh
You don't know it's way too loud
Let's pretend you haven't seen me naked
And I haven't seen you cry
Let's pretend we're strangers
Smile politely - no need to say hi
Romantic entanglements can wither and a friendship can remain
A lot of people do it quite successfully, they tell me, but not us
And secretly I wonder - how do these successful people
Keep on smiling when their hearts are splattered on the floor?
Part of me's convinced that they're just bluffing, they don't have it figured out
So let's pretend we're strangers
That I don't know your shoe size
That I don't remember how you eat
Far too much ketchup with your fries
Let's pretend you haven't met my mother
and I don't still miss your cat
Let's pretend we're strangers
Smile politely - nothing more than that
Let's pretend we're strangers
Let's pretend you're not a jerk
That you don't know the things I'm afraid of
Or the building where I work
Let's pretend I didn't make a fool of myself
And beg you to stay
Let's pretend we're strangers
Smile politely - nothing else to say
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4. |
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Maccas after midnight
Full of disaffected youths
Yet another dumb fight
Full of uncomfortable truths
Lurking in liminal space
Maybe I’m finally seeing your true face
If you had to break a heart
Why’d it have to be mine?
You’d prefer to skip this part
As people wait in line
Vodka soaked and mad as hell
I used to think I knew you pretty well
Public bathrooms to have breakdowns in
Public bathrooms to have breakdowns in
Waiting at the station
Echoes bouncing off the roof
Hurtful accusations
Thrown around without the proof
Missed the train by half a sec
Can everybody here see I’m a wreck?
Drunk girl new best friend
Hands me more tissues as I cry
Outside you pretend
That you don’t know the reason why
It’s not a good look on you
The wide eyed innocent “what did I do?”
Public bathrooms to have breakdowns in
Public bathrooms to have breakdowns in
Stickers on the mirror
Make it hard to see my face
Every second clearer
That I really hate this place
When it started, I don’t know
You’re always the one choosing where we go
Neon lights above you
As you focus on your phone
Halfhearted “I love you”
Leaves me feeling so alone
Put my pride before a fall
Or really read the writing on the wall?
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5. |
Dead Hedgehog
02:56
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I saw a dead hedgehog
On the side of the road
Totally flattened
Probably hit by a car
It made me realise
We’re all gonna die one day
Life is short and fleeting
I couldn’t tell you
How long he’d been there
There wasn’t much of him
Left anymore
But did that dead hedgehog
Wake up that morning and know
That day would be his last?
I’ve been thinking ‘bout that hedgehog since I saw him
About all the things that hedgehog didn’t do
And it made me wonder if you know I love you
If you don’t know
Then you should know
So I have to tell you now
I saw a dead hedgehog
On the side of the road
Left there to die
All alone by himself
It made me realise
I don’t want to die alone
Life is short and fleeting
I couldn’t tell you
How long he’d been there
If anyone missed him
Or knew he was gone
But did that dead hedgehog
Have someone who wonders why
He has disappeared?
I’ve been thinking ‘bout that hedgehog since I saw him
About all the things that hedgehog didn’t do
And it made me wonder if you know I love you
If you don’t know
Then you should know
So I have to tell you
I’ve been thinking ‘bout that hedgehog since I saw him
About all the things that hedgehog didn’t do
And it made me wonder if you know I love you
If you don’t know
Then you should know
So I have to tell you now
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6. |
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You can get up in the morning
You can take a walk downtown
You can smile at passing strangers
Even though your world is upside down
It’s easy to pretend these days
To play your given part
You can do almost anything with a broken heart
You can make your coffee order
At your local place to go
You can flirt with the barista
You don’t mean it but they’ll never know
Just fake it til you make it
You’ve got this down to an art
You can do almost anything with a broken heart
And even though it hurts so much
You have to keep on going
You can carry all that pain
But just make sure it’s never showing
This kind of thing takes practice
It gets easier each day
But I’d be lying if I said the hurt completely goes away
So you tell yourself that next time
You’ll be sure to play it smart
Cos it’s exhausting living life with a broken heart
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7. |
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Out in the city it's warm and it's bright
Head to the bar on a hot summer night
Talk to strangers
Try to ignore the possible dangers
Idly wonder where this night will lead
Suddenly realise there's something I need
Feeling queasy
Leave to locate something tasty and greasy
All of a sudden
I find myself
Drunkenly eating Chinese food alone by a river
Drunkenly eating Chinese food - this place doesn’t deliver
The gin and the tonics are taking their toll
I'm fighting a seagull for a spring roll
Drunkenly eating Chinese food alone by a river
It's rather nice out here, quiet and serene
Gobbling up westernised asian cuisine
No one's present
I find the silence remarkably pleasant
I eat a wonton and look at my phone
Make a decision that I'm going home
Call a taxi
Iâ'll have an evening that's quiet and relax(y)
Here I am
Sitting here
Drunkenly eating Chinese food alone by a river
Drunkenly eating Chinese food - this place doesn’t deliver
The gin and the tonics are taking their toll
I'm fighting a seagull for a spring roll
Drunkenly eating Chinese food alone by a river
I know exactly where we are
I won't find my handsome prince at this bar
Or handsome princess - I can go either way
But I'm still ready to call it a day
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8. |
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Everybody I know thinks high school is hell
But people look at me and think I’m doing well
I stay out of trouble and follow every rule
I don’t really care if people think I’m cool
I know I’m not cool
But there’s this never ending fear
That I won’t make it out of here
My brain is screaming at me “something’s wrong”
I’m full of depression and anxiety
But people say that they don’t gotta worry ‘bout me
A lack of serotonin’s been kicking my ass
But I’m a straight A student
And a pleasure to have in class
I work really hard and try to do my best
But it really feels like nobody’s impressed
It’s hard to connect and I feel so alone
Would they like me better without this trombone
I play the trombone
I’ve got so much going for me
But the thought won’t let me be
That I’ll never find somewhere that I belong
I’m full of depression and anxiety
But people say that they don’t gotta worry ‘bout me
A lack of serotonin’s been kicking my ass
But I’m a straight A student
And a pleasure to have in class
I want people to see me as a success
Gotta keep up appearances
So nobody finds out that I’m really a mess
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9. |
Instagram
03:18
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All my friends from high school have better lives than me
All my friends from high school have better lives than me
All my friends from high school have better lives than me
At least they do on Instagram
They say that social media's the opiate of the masses
And life is what happens when you put down the phone
And people who consistently post selfies with their lovers
Are the ones who are the most afraid they're gonna die alone
And documenting every single moment of your life
Is just another way of being scared of the unknown
And nothing's quite as simple as what you might see online
But let's just focus on the fact that
My former coworkers have better lives than me
My former coworkers have better lives than me
My former coworkers have better lives than me
At least they do on Instagram
They say that social media's the opiate of the masses
And life is what happens when you put down the phone
And people who consistently post selfies with their lovers
Are the ones who are the most afraid they're gonna die alone
And documenting every single moment of your life
Is just another way of being scared of the unknown
And nothing's quite as simple as what you might see online
But let's just focus on the fact that
My ex's second cousin has a better life than me
My ex's second cousin has a better life than me
My ex's second cousin has a better life than me
At least she does on Instagram
They say that social media's the opiate of the masses
And life is what happens when you put down the phone
And people who consistently post selfies with their lovers
Are the ones who are the most afraid they're gonna die alone
And documenting every single moment of your life
Is just another way of being scared of the unknown
And nothing's quite as simple as what you might see online
But let's just focus on the fact that
The hot weird guy at Countdown has a better life than me
The hot weird guy at Countdown has a better life than me
The hot weird guy at Countdown has a better life than me
At least he does on Instagram
They say that social media's the opiate of the masses
And life is what happens when you put down the phone
And people who consistently post selfies with their lovers
Are the ones who are the most afraid they're gonna die alone
And documenting every single moment of your life
Is just another way of being scared of the unknown
And nothing's quite as simple as what you might see online
But let's just focus on the fact that
Everyone I've ever met has a better life than me
Everyone I've ever met has a better life than me
Everyone I've ever met has a better life than me
I should delete my Instagram
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10. |
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It’s two in the morning and I’m here again
Just thinking about the things I could have been
I stare at the ceiling as I lay in bed
With so many questions running through my head
Am I a narcissistic asshole and impulsive piece of shit
Who people just pretend to tolerate at best?
Am I a victim of a former gifted child analysis
which left me with the false assumption I’m a cut above the rest?
Have I been burdened a tendency to torch my happiness because I never learned to look before I leap?
Does everyone actually hate me or do I need to get some sleep?
I mull it all over every single night
Trying to remember when I got it right
There’s gotta be something I got going for me
But all of these questions just won’t let me be
Would it be better in the long run if I dug a giant hole
And made myself a secret bunker underground?
Or is that just another weird idea I’ll never follow through on
When it comes to me and common sense, it’s nowhere to be found
Do other people talk about me as a cautionary tale?
A vaguely disappointing failure and black sheep?
Does everyone actually hate me or do I need to get some sleep?
Am I the worst thing that could happen to the people that I love
And they all secretly regret the day we met?
Am I a burden to the universe by daring to exist
Because somehow I still believe I could be something better yet?
Why is it people seem to like the surface version I portray
But make an exit when they get a bit too deep?
Does everyone actually hate me or do I need to get some sleep?
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11. |
The Wiser
03:08
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I just turned 25 and a half
That’s much closer to thirty than I was before
And I don’t really feel like a grown up
But there are certain things that I just can’t ignore
Like the bills I must pay for the power and phone
Like the fact I don’t actually own my own home
Like the strong possibility I’ll die alone
But I guess that’s life
Oh and I’ll be the one at the party
Pouring out my soul to strangers I’ve got cornered in the kitchen
Talking ‘bout what I’m afraid of
How I’m only getting older
But the wiser isn’t coming
And I don’t know what to do
I just turned 29 and a half
My thirties are looming, there’s nowhere to hide
And I don’t really feel like a grown up
Just some idiot kid dragged along for the ride
And my brain is a mess and I’m starting to sweat
Cos there’s so much that I haven’t figured out yet
And I’m equal parts heartbreak, depression and debt
But I guess that’s life
Oh and I’ll be the one at the party
Pouring out my soul to strangers I’ve got cornered in the kitchen
Talking ‘bout what I’m afraid of
How I’m only getting older
But the wiser isn’t coming
And I don’t know what to do
And all the cool kids are having quarter life crises
But let’s be honest
I was never cool
I just turned 35 and a half
By now I really should have it all figured out
And I don’t really feel like a grown up
Just a pair of sore knees and some crippling self-doubt
And no matter how hard I try I just can’t see
How to get to the person I thought I would be
Is this what I’m stuck with? Is this really me?
Is this life?
Can someone tell me? Is this life?
And just how long will I be at the party
Pouring out my soul to strangers I’ve got cornered in the kitchen?
Talking ‘bout what I’m afraid of
How I’m only getting older
But the wiser isn’t coming
And I don’t know what to do
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12. |
Space To Fail
03:49
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Hello me, it's me - I thought I'd give you a bell
I couldn't help but notice you're not doing all that well
You thought you'd be in a better place by now
And you know it will be okay, but you're not really sure how
Take a deep breath
Make a cup of coffee
Sit down and remember
To give yourself space to fail
Sometimes failure's a step
On the road to success
It only means that you're not quite there yet
Give yourself space to fail
Sometimes it's what you need
And it's gonna be all the more sweet
When you finally succeed
Hello me, it's me - sometimes you're a little mean
You beat yourself up so much over things that could have been
And if somebody else said the nasty things you do
You'd be horrified - so what's so different about you?
Take a shower
Watch a funny movie
Sit down and remember
To give yourself space to fail
Sometimes failure's a step
On the road to success
It only means that you're not quite there yet
Give yourself space to fail
Sometimes it's what you need
And it's gonna be all the more sweet
When you finally succeed
And if that never happens
If you never see success
Look to the ones who love you
They won't love you any less
Because you have space to fail
Sometimes failure's a step
On the road to success
It only means that you're not quite there yet
Give yourself space to fail
Sometimes it's what you need
And it's gonna be all the more sweet
When you finally succeed
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Troubadette New Zealand
In the 12th century, troubadours sang songs of chivalry to noble families. In the 21st century, Troubadette sings songs of bikini waxing, dismemberment, and some guy's dick to anyone who'll listen. Channeling the energy of a kindergarten teacher and the wisdom of your favourite wine aunty, Troubadette has been making musical mayhem across Aotearoa for over 20 years. ... more
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