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lyrics

In a time before digital natives and noobs
You could still use the internet to look at boobs
But that wasn’t enough and so folks persevered
Got super creative and then shit got weird
Some feel it’s artistic, some feel it has class
Some just want to see things get shoved up an ass
Yes, back before most of us were even born
There’s always existed weird internet porn

Oh, internet porn can pretty damn wild
You never quite know what you’ll find
Some things I feel I can see the appeal
But others I’d like to block out of my mind

Some folks want outlandish fantasies come true
Some want to see things that they wish they could do
Some stuff’s realistic and grounded in truth
Some stuff you can’t do and there’s medical proof
I don’t mean to nitpick, condemn or frustrate
But you have to know buttholes don’t self-lubricate
When you’re in that area, best to take care
Find some quality lube and take time to prepare

I once quizzed a man on what he did prefer
I asked “what’s the appeal of a tentacle, sir?”
He answered me thus in a manner quite plain
“Versatility. They can insert and restrain.
And sometimes they’re moist and sometimes they are dry
You can put them in places down low and up high.”
“Fascinating,” said I, then went on my way
I regret ever asking to this very day

When it comes down to it, I say live and let live
My opinion’s not something you asked me to give
And if you’re into things that’ll make my head tilt
I’m not interested in trying to make you feel guilt
Go ahead and enjoy as folks clutch at their pearls
Just keep it well clear of young boys and young girls
Let conservatives work themselves into a flutter
But the mind of mankind’s always been in the gutter

credits

from Songs From Radio EUGH - Vol. 2, released March 12, 2022

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Troubadette New Zealand

In the 12th century, troubadours sang songs of chivalry to noble families. In the 21st century, Troubadette sings songs of bikini waxing, dismemberment, and some guy's dick to anyone who'll listen. Channeling the energy of a kindergarten teacher and the wisdom of your favourite wine aunty, Troubadette has been making musical mayhem across Aotearoa for over 20 years. ... more

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